I'm only at work today to keep my mind occupied but it's not really working. It's still wandering to things more interesting than rates and transfers, which makes me wish I would have stayed home to watch a movie or paint or build some stairs for Randyll to get into my bed.
I stopped at my mom's office this morning before coming into work to talk with her. First we started talking about Sara and I just started crying to her. I haven't cried in a while. Maybe it had been stored up and waiting to come out, but once I started crying, I just couldn't stop. Sara is upset with me because I told her boyfriend to love her like she's the most important and special thing in the world. To be nice to her and to get over himself before he lost her. I guess I overstepped my bounds as a sister.
This has been a hard summer. I haven't seen Sara much and I miss her. Now that she isn't talking to me it just...well...sucks. I hate that word and don't say it much but it's the truth. I love my sister and want only the best for her. But I'm keeping my mouth closed now. I've always had an open-bed policy with Sara. By this I mean Sara was always welcome to crawl into bed with me whenever she wanted. There are times she would come crying and just want to sleep with me. If you've never experienced this I don't know if you could ever truly understand what I feel when Sara crawls in bed with me. We're twins and have always been close and there is something so special when she comes to me and is upset and wants me to make it better. And if I can't make it better, she just wants me to listen while she crys. She hasn't done this in a while and I don't see much of her. I'm not bitter...just sad that things have changed. There is only one thing I fear in life, and that is that Sara and I will one day not be as close as we used to be. I would die if Sara and I ever ended up like other siblings who never speak.
Besides weeping for Sara this morning at the office, I had a little cry on the way to work by myself. I met some truly incredible people this past week and this morning three of them had to leave to go back to school. I know that I will see them all again, especially those at Trinity, but it's sad to think that the summer is coming to an end. I guess on the positive side of things, it ended on a high note. And for any of y'all reading this, I think you all are great and truly some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. I will write more on that later but for now I have to get back to work...or pretend to work before my Dad walks in. (It is great working for him though. He let me off most of this week to hang out with all of y'all!)
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