Resurrection - Nicol Sponberg

I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm numb to the core
I can't fake it anymore.

Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

Here I am once again I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

Excuse me while I cough out a lung

I have this little annoyance in my throat that won't go away. This morning I was taking a test - a pretty hard test. I'm sure everyone in there was stressed and trying really hard to focus on what they were doing. Then all of a sudden you hear this loud noise that distracts your thinking. I'm sure everyone was like, "What is that annoying noise over in the front left corner of the room.?" It was me and my annoying cough! It's not just a little "a-ha" cough anymore, it's a deep, room shaking A-HA-A-HA. To top it off, my nose was running. Poor girl sitting next to me. I'm sure she was like, "Whoa, who is this girl that won't shut up?" I would have been annoyed if I were sitting next to someone like me this morning.

This afternoon I was sitting in class and had an attack. For the last 20 minutes I could not stop coughing. Normally I would just excuse myself and leave so as not to annoy everyone around me - or the whole classroom. But I was sitting right in the center of the row in a room that was poorly designed. The rows are so close together that you can't get out if anyone is sitting in the chairs next to you. So had I tried to get out, I would have knocked everyone out as I exited the room...while coughing a lung out. I'm sure everyone would have appreciated that. Yeah right.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is coming up and I am definitely happy about that though I won't really have a break from school. As of right now, my final project in photography is due the day I get back. Oh but wait - I'm not going home for Thanksgiving so I guess it really doesn't matter, does it? My parents will be in Africa for Thanksgiving...thanks for taking me! (I know you're reading this mom and dad...no hard feelings - Christmas, right?) I'm juggling a couple of options for Thanksgiving but one of them is definitely not cooking a turkey!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get to see Matthew over Thanksgiving. What's that you say? Don't want to see Matthew? Strange I know. But if all goes well this weekend with soccer, Matthew will be in the NCAA final four tournament over Thanksgiving. As much as I would love to see him, I would much rather him be playing soccer that weekend.

So yeah, Thanksgiving - the first year I'm fending for myself on a holiday...just Sara, Randy and me...and we're thankful for each other!

It's good to be in love.



And that's all I have to say right now.

You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N.

I laughed in the face of death last night. Ok I just fudged the truth a little. Actually I screamed like a girl in the face of death last night. Wait, I am a girl. So it works...

Last night I went to move Sara's straightener from the floor in my bedroom to the bathroom. When I picked it up, there was a short in it. Orange sparks flew everywhere and inches from my face. No - I think one was closer than inches. There was a loud noise and all the lights went out. I screamed and jumped back into the bed trying to figure out what just happened. Then the room started to smell terrible.

I went to flip the switch to turn the lights back on. When I went back to my room, my heart was racing. I was so scatterbrained after it happened that I am pretty sure I got electrocuted...just a little. All I can really say is that it just isn't my time. So I'm just going to keep on livin' man, L-I-V-I-N!!

Dang

I got a parking ticket today. That makes two in one week. Dang...

Randy says Hi

Matthew scored a goal tonight! I'm so proud of him! I wish I could have been there to see it. Way to go, Matthew!!

Saved by Grace - Shane Barnard

Just a singin’ a gospel song today
Get a ready to send the years
Of guilt and shame away
The years of failing
The years of nailing up yourself
To a cross you can’t bear
That’s why He was there

What a beautiful day
When He washed all our sins away
What a beautiful day

By grace you have been saved
By grace you have been saved
By grace you have been saved
By grace through faith
Through faith

Even the faith I have to sing
Halle, halle, hallelujah to my King
It’s freely given
That I might not boast in myself but Him

Can’t sing it enough
Say it enough
Play it enough
When will I get it
I can’t earn it
And no I don’t deserve
Can’t say it enough

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God” (Eph 2:8)

Trojan Condom Ad and the Curse of Perfectionism

I just saw an ad for Trojan condoms. I'm disgusted. I only looked up to watch the ad because I heard some music I liked and wanted to know what it was for. The ad shows a guy and a girl walking and then at the bottom flashes the words, "Other than abstinence there is only one way to protect yourself. Use a condom every time." The ad is targeting protection against HIV. Besides the fact that I don't think these ads should even be shown on television, the message that it sends it completely wrong. The ad is promoting sex...which is a wonderful and beautiful thing that God has given us WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED. The couple is obviously not married. When did having sex before marriage become acceptable? It's not! Abstinence is the ONLY way to protect yourself. Sex is one way to contract HIV but it's not the only way. So even though the ad throws out a way to protect yourself from HIV, it promotes sex. Maybe the Trojan company feels responsible for all the people with HIV so they put out ads to make them feel good. But the message that says sex before marriage is acceptable is worse than the message that you can get HIV from sex. If Trojan wants to feel good about something, they should say sex before marriage is wrong. I'm so frustrated by this I can't even write about it. It's simple - no sex before marriage, condom or not.

Breathing...deep breaths...woo

So I'm plagued with being a perfectionist - not something I like to really admit to. I have just spent all day in the dark room, minus a few hours for class and lunch trying to develop just one print. I went through about seven negatives trying to find the right one to use. For various reasons, they all didn't work. I finally settled on one that is alright but not my favorite. The one I really wanted to use was out of focus but you can't tell until you blow it up. Maybe I'm just a little bitter about that one because it was a great picture. The one I decided to use came out alright but there's a mark on the paper. It will be a few points off which isn't that big of a deal, but now I'm sitting here wondering whether or not I should go back up to the dark room to try and perfect it. I keep telling myself no - that a few points off is going to be alright...but then I feel like I'm not doing my best work. Ahh...I dislike these thoughts of dissatisfaction.

Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" is my feel good song of the moment...dang it puts me in a good mood and makes me want to dance. Nikki - this is definately a song for Kramer Road!

Ok, no time to write - going to the dark room for the day.

A Little Study Music

I've got Rachel Yamagata's album Happenstance playing on repeat. You should check it out...now. This is a CD that I can actaully do my homework too. Yeah, I listen to music sometime when I study and this is one CD that doesn't distract me when I'm doing that. It makes studying just a little bit more enjoyable.

Bellville

Yesterday was Matthew's birthday and I am so thankful the God blessed the earth with him 20 years ago, is blessing me with him now, and yesterday blessed us with beautiful weather for his birthday. Matthew was in Indiana playing soccer, but at least I got to enjoy the weather here in Texas for him, haha..It really was a beautiful day.

After a rather long and overwhelming week, I decided to go home to Bellville on Friday night and spend Saturday there with my parents. My parents didn't get home on Friday night until 10:00. They had to take some business partners from Africa out to eat. My mom said they were "schmoozing" to get a deal on my future wedding in Africa, haha. Hey, that's fine with me. I'll get married at the Royal Malewne, one of the nicest safari lodges in South Africa, who wouldn't? But since my parents were out having fun, I spent some time at my grandmother's house, indulging in oatmeal raisin cookies!

On Saturday I woke up at 9:00 to an absolutely gorgeous day and joined my mother and Mrs. Bader for tea and coffee at Magpies, a little coffe shop on the square, much better than any Starbucks. We sat at a little table next to the open door and talked for an hour and a half. I didn't realize how much I miss the pace of Bellville until I was sitting with them, enjoying just talking about green tea, guys, and life in general and not worrying about a chapter in a book for class or about work that needed to be done before the beginning of the week and probably wouldn't get done. It was just an hour and a half of enjoying the company of others. I think this is something I don't do often enough. People are so important and desire to be loved. You can show love just by sitting and talking with someone, without worrying about something else - just talk and listen and be happy about it and the other person will know that you care about them. God desires for us to love one another, and this is a simple way of loving.

My dad joined us a for about 20 minutes - we shared a cinnamon roll and then he took me out to play with his new toy - a 1980 Jeep with huge tires. He loves it. It really is a lot of fun to take out and just ride around in. He got it to play with in the country, but it's a lot of fun in town also. He taught me to drive it yesterday. It's a stick shift and the last time I tried to learn to drive a stick shift, I nearly ran into a tree with Nikki in the car and later got stuck on a log, also with Nikki. But my dad was patient with me as we were driving through town. He made fun of me some, but it was so fun. I'm still not very good at it, but I guess that just means I'll have to go back and practice, haha. We then picked up my mom so she could go get a coke, and then picked up some good BBQ and took it to my grandmother's house.

Later my mom and I ran to Brenham to run some errands and enjoy the day. In the evening my dad and I worked on a project for one of my classes together. I love that I got to spend time with both of them together, but I also got to spend time with each of them alone. I love my parents so much and really enjoy getting to be around them. I know most people my age don't think of their parents like I do, but I am so thankful for them. They really are two of my best friends and I think that's alright for your parents to be your best friends. They did a great job raising me and were wonderful parents while I was living with them. They are still doing a great job being parents, but they are also more friends now than they used to be and I think that's just because I am older and can appreciate them more. I'm so happy I went home and spent time with them. When you are overwhelmed, sometimes you just need to get back to your roots...I'm glad my roots are in the country with the slow pace of life!

In the Light

Bringing this song back from the past - DC Talk - In the Light, 1995

This used to be one of my favorite songs so I'm bringing it back out. The cd, Jesus Freak, is great. Sadly my copy has been listened to and loved a little too much and now I have to replace it...that's a good thing though.

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from you
I am the king of excuses
I’ve got one for every selfish thing I do

What’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

I wanna be in the light
As you are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, lord be my light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the light
All I want is to be in the light

The disease of self runs through my blood
It’s a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, what’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

Honesty becomes me
[there’s nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[in your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[and riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[has been sentenced to this earth]
Has been sentenced to this earth

Tell me, what’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

[there’s no other place that I want to be]
[no other place that I can see]
[a place to be that’s just right]
[someday I’m gonna be in the light]
[you are in the light]
[that’s where I need to be]
[that’s right where I need to be]

My Parents

I am so thankful for my parents. I have a "group" project to do but don't have a group. I asked my dad for some help with it and told him my project and without skipping a beat said, "Well you and I will be a group. We'll get it done." It was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. Both my mom and my dad always know what to say and do to make me feel better. I am so blessed to have them as my parents.

Last night I got to eat supper with my dad. He met me in Brenham with a lens for my camera and we ate supper together. I got to have a "Daddy - Daughter - Date" (as little Haley would say). He then filled up my car with gas, cleaned my windshield, and gave me some cash to get a roll of film. He's so willing to help me and I really appreciate that. I feel sorry for people who don't have parents that are so willing to help them. I don't know what I would do without my parents.

I talk to my mom at least once everyday - sometimes on the phone and sometimes through email. It's nice to talk to them both so often. I need it to get through my dad...they are such an encouragement to me. I love you Mom and Dad!

Pictures

More pictures

On the Road to Mexico

This past weekend I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Mexico with my church family, parents, and sister. In a later post, I will be writing about the people I met in Mexico and the homes we built there, but this particular post is about a guy I met on the way there. I'll first start with a little background information.

One night this past summer I was in my room saying my prayers. All of a sudden my prayers for people I knew turned into a prayer for two people going through a divorce. I thought it was strange that I started praying for these people because I didn't know them but decided that God must have put it on my heart and so I kept praying. In the morning I asked my mother if we knew anyone going through a divorce and she said no. I kind of just let it go after that and didn't dwell on not actually knowing the person I was praying for. Every once in a while, I would keep praying for this family.

Last weekend at church we were commissioned for the mission trip this past weekend. Afterwards, a man came up to me and thanked me for going on the trip then asked me to look out for his friend John who had recently been through a divorce and was just starting to get back into going to church. I assured the man that I would look out for him and then began praying for him.

On Thursday the group picked up my family and me in Bellville. When I climbed into the van and I sat next to a young man - John. After a little while on the road we started talking with each other. I found out many things about him - most importantly that he was recently divorced and had just started attending church again. He came on the trip because he is an architect and the first day he went back to church they announced this housing project. He thought he might enjoy it since it's what he does for a living so here he was.After we talked, he fell asleep and I sat there and took in our conversation together then it hit me. Duh, this is the John the man I met at church wanted me to watch out for. This is the John that I had been praying for the last week.

Last night we shared with the group our experiences from the past weekend. John spoke up and talked about how he had the hardest year of his life this past year, hadn't been to church in a while, had lost everything he had worked so hard for and had thought about suicide...brought tears to so many people. After a little while, I spoke up and told everyone I was so blessed to work with each of them this weekend but directed my comments toward John. I told him the story of the man who came up to me after church and asked me to watch out for him, told him I had been praying for him and was so blessed by his presence on this trip. I gave him a hug and then someone else spoke up.

After everyone who wanted to share something did, it hit me. I had actually been praying for John since the summer, not just this past week. John is the person I started praying for the night I prayed for the family going through the divorce. Today I told him about my experience this summer and he was so amazed that someone could be praying for him that didn't even know him. He asked me what I prayed and how I prayed and how I knew to pray. But how do you answer that without saying, "It was God." You can't get around that. It was all God.

This afternoon on the way home I had the chance to talk to him about the Lord some more. He asked about a bracelet I was wearing and I told him what it meant. I opened my Bible and showed him where the story in Matthew was found - where Jesus says he will make you fishers of men. I told him how Jesus wants us to advance the Gospel and then I had the chance to talk to him about it.

It was so great to talk to him about everything, to find out so much about him and be there for him. God works in such wonderful ways, doesn't he? How great is our God!!

People from Mexico

Here are a few pictures from my past weekend at Mexico. I've got so much to write about my weekend. These pictures are of some of the people...children...I was around. The smallest little girl - Magali - took my heart from the moment I saw her.

Thank you Nike

Thank you Nike for running the ad on thunder thighs. You speak to me so well!

"I have tunder thighs. And that's a compliment because they are strong and toned and muscular and though they are unwelcome in the petite section they are cheered on in marathons. Fifty years from now I'll bounce a grandchild on my thunder thighs and then I'll go out for a run. Just do it."

These type of ads are being run in many women's magazines. I saw this one in InStyle. I love it! Thanks, NIke, for appealing to the real woman.

Rita

We didn't even get any rain in Bellville. My family is a little upset about that. My mom woke up this morning, walked outside and said, "Oh man! Now I have to water my plants." My dad looked around and found a tiny branch that had blown from the tree. No damage at all. We are thankful but had hoped for some rain...and maybe a little bit stronger winds. We have a dead tree in our backyard that needs to come down. We were hoping the winds would blow it down for us. No such luck. I am thankful though...Bellville is still the quiet little town it was before...only now it doesn't have any gas.

The 12th Man

I did it. I have found the actual 12th man. No longer is it a body of people standing for hours at the football game, ready to go in for the Ags when he is called. No, there is an actual person - the biggest A&M fan I've ever seen in my life. I found this guy on the bus today - 03 route on my way to Langford. I will refer to him as Bobadoo from now.

I'm sitting on the bus, waiting to leave the MSC when on steps Bobadoo. At first glance you say, "Geez, that guy is wearing a lot of maroon. Maybe he's an athlete." (Because that would make sense to see that much maroon on one body at one time.) Bobadoo sat right across from me so I got a really great look at him. Not only was he wearing all maroon, each article of clothing and accessory had the A&M logo on it. None of these items were endorsed by any company so I scratched the athlete idea and came up with the idea that either this guy is joking or he is obviously the biggest supporter of A&M I've ever seen. I'm going to go with the last idea and run with it.

Bobadoo had nine things that I could see, all of which displayed A&M. Starting from the top, he had the hat, sunglasses, shirt, watch, bracelet, keychain, pants, sandals, and bag. Bobadoo's get-up would have been complete had he been sporting the Aggie ring...maybe sometime soon he will be able to add that also.

Bobadoo is definately the biggest A&M fan, the actual 12th man...I bet if he didn't have his sun glasses on, I would have seen a sun tan line across his face where his glasses were this past Saturday at the game. I'm willing to bet he was the first one there, the last to leave, and had the most A&M's on his body. Yay for Bobadoo...keep supporting the Ags for us two-percenters who struggle to find a maroon shirt in our closet.

Stress Fest

I just had a small little stress fest with myself and Sara. I am so thankful for her. I called my parents first to talk to them. It's strange how things change when you get older. When I was young, my parents were the only ones that could calm me down. Now that I'm older, my parents can still calm me down, but not like Sara can. I had tears in my eyes and she could hear how upset I was over the phone. She helped me to look at the situation and create a plan of action for getting things completed. I needed this. When I get stressed my head gets clouded and I can't think clearly at all. After two minutes of talking to her I wasn't stressed and felt very calm. (I'm still not thinking very straight though. I'm sure you can see that just from reading this...oh well...I'll blame it on other distractions.)

I'm done for now.

My New Season is the Best Season Yet

I was in San Antonio this weekend...that's right...when the Aggies have a home football game, I get out of the Big CS as fast as possible. Actually that's not my reason for leaving the Big CS this weekend, but the traffic that comes through College Station when the Ags play at home is insane. I know traffic gets crazy for any football game, but the Big CS is actually not that big. With 45,000+ students, residents, and football fans in for the game, the place gets a little crowded. This is a really long explanation just to say I was happy to leave for the weekend...and I am obviously a two-percenter (top two percent, I like to think, haha).

I went to see Matthew this weekend in San Antonio and watch his soccer game at Southwestern. They won 3-0 so kudos to Matthew and the whole soccer team. After the game we followed Chris to his house in Austin before heading out to grab some food. Chris, by the way, is now part of the Ransom Notes at UT, so I'm sending some mad props out to him. For supper we had Mangolian BBQ - a first for me and it was excellent. Everyone should try it.

Ok, ok...what's my purpose for writing tonight? Procrastination is always a possiblity. But tonight there's another reason...ok, actually I just felt like writing and do have many things I could be doing. However, if I were doing those many other things right now, I wouldn't be able to concentrate because I would be thinking about writing so I now find myself here writing, with one song playing on repeat in the background.

So...right, my new season, my current season, is definately the best I've experienced. My prayers of being single this past summer didn't work (thank God for that) and I now find myself in a relationship with the most Godly and amazing person I've ever known. To say that I am happy would be an understatement. I am constantly amazed at the way God works in my life. Through everything that has happened these past couple of weeks, I still feel there is nothing wrong with the world...ok, maybe I shouldn't go that far. There are things wrong with the world, but that's another entry for another night. We'll just settle with saying there is nothing wrong in my world. I do have an amazing life filled with wonderful people and every day I shout thanks to God.

Pray to be single? Why would anyone do that? About this time last year, I was the happiest I had been in my life up until that point. Confidence has been restored. I was closer to the Lord than I had ever been. Life was as close to perfect as it can get. All summer I tried so hard to get back to that point. I had somehow over the spring semester drifted a little and desperately wanted to be back the where I was in the fall, thus the prayer to be single...to focus all my attention on God.

Thankfully Matthew wasn't praying to be single. Instead his prayed to God saying he was ready should God want to put someone in his life...Enter Haley centerstage. (This, by the way, is my favorite part of our story.) He'll tell you that his prayers just work better than mine.

Now I am praising God that He knows everything and when I think I need to be single, He puts Matthew into my life. When I think the only way to get back the relationship I had with the Lord is to be single, He says, "Haley, the relationship that I have created for you with Matthew is going to glorify me more than you being single ever will." Praise God for that. I am now closer to the Lord than I was at the beginning of the summer. I am closer today than I was yesterday. I am so thankful for Matthew and our relationship and how God is using it to glorify Him.

How great is our God!

Before the Throne of God Above

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

Words by Charitie Bancroft

Warehouse Fire

For the last week I have been wondering why my photography supplies have not come in when I ordered them two weeks ago and selected 3 day ground shipping with UPS. (Usually very reliable!) Then I went to class today and heard a guy in class saying his supplies had been damaged in a warehouse fire in houston and were sent back. When I asked him which company he had used, he said the one out of New York. Red flag for me! I used the same one. He asked if I was supposed to receive my supplies last Wednesday and yes, I was. We determined that my supplies were also caught in the same warehouse fire. It would only happen to me! Now I must locate some paper before tomorrow to get my prints finished before Monday. Actually, I need to get my prints finished tomorrow because I will be gone all weekend...Yay for getting out of the Big CS and going to San Antonio!

SCC

I'm a junior at A&M and I have just decided that I like to work in the SCC. I actually get a lot of work done there. I have just finished a project two days early. I don't think that's happened in my life ever.

I've really got nothing to say, just wanted to share that, haha...

God only gives you what you can handle

This semester is getting off to a rocky start for a couple of reasons and only one has to do with school. It's my fault that one of them is because of school. I haven't taken time to organize myself and get my mind geared up for school and because of that, I feel like I'm not really in the swing of things. My professors think otherwise. I have a project in my computer class do and I didn't take the time to figure out how to use the program. I've got a single print due in my photography class but spent 30 minutes trying to get the cap off of the film to develop it this afternoon. When I couldn't do it, I got frustrated with myself, poked my finger with a bottle cap opener and decided to wait until tomorrow to get some help. Besides, it will give me a chance to get some more pictures. But school is the least of my worries right now. (Which is odd...something major must be going one, right?)

I had a family crisis this past week which is hopefully starting to calm down a bit but with something like what we experienced, you can never be too sure. As a result, my mother is living with us for two weeks...well just one more now. Which is kind of nice. She is cleaning our house and cooking and doing some laundry. She is also teaching me the art of procrastination. (I didn't really need to learn it though.) "Do you have to go to class today? Do you have to study? Let's go shopping instead." Things a cooling down on the homefront but picking up in other areas of my life.

My best friend called me today and told me that her father passed away this morning. I drove back home to be with her this evening, will drive back to the Big CS for class tomorrow and Tuesday morning, then drive back to be with her and her family on Tuesday afternoon for his funeral. I don't know what to do for her other than be a friend and pray for her and her family.

Another friend asked tonight how in the world I was able to handle all of this. She said she would be on the floor with everything. To that I just replied, "Well, I have great friends and know that God is with me." I know that God won't give me more than I can handle. I am actually blessed by all of this because I know that God believes I can handle everything He has given me. I am doing my best, taking it moment by precious moment, pray by prayer. I won't let any of this get me down or diminish my faith. It only increases with every day...with everything I am given.

At the beginning of the summer, I wasn't dealing with anything. I've got more on my plate now than I have ever had and my faith is stronger now than it has ever been. I'll continue to walk by faith, knowing that God is leading me.

I want my sister back

I want my sister back. I want to see her smile again and hear her laugh. I want her to watch a movie with me or just sit and listen to music with me. I just want her back. She has had the life stolen from her and the only emotion that she can feel right now is sadness.

How do you tell someone that has lost every emotion in her body that things will get better. How do I make her realize this isn't what God wants for her life. That isn't who God had planned for her. I don't think God's intention is for you to be with someone who is going to hurt you. I think you must trust that God is going to bless you with someone so perfect for you and He doesn't want to hurt you. So when you are with someone that hurts you, I don't think God wants you to stay there. I believe that everything does happen for a reason, but I don't think the reason is to keep getting hurt. (I know a lot of this probably doesn't make sense, I'm just so upset right now that everything is just pouring out.)

I'm trying to supress any feelings of anger that I have right now. Truthfully, I am so upset that I want to just scream so loud that it makes me cry. To scream so loud that tears actaully fall from my eyes - I've only done it once before and I really think I need to do it again. I won't though. It gave me a really bad headache.

What I really want right now is to fly away with Peter Pan....second star to the right and straight on until morning.

Your Grace is Sufficient

"Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect
When I am weak
And all that I cling to
I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me"

Nightmare

My heart is aching. I am living through a nightmare. How can I turn this around?

The Lord is carrying me right now because I can't walk - not on my own. In my mind, He is holding me, just like my father used to hold me when I was little. After I fell off my bike, I would run to him and he would lift me up into his arms, put my head on his shoulder with one hand, and with the other, hold my back and press my little body close to him. In the sweetest voice he would say, "Shh, Haley, you're alright." He could always calm me down. I feel like I have fallen off of my bike again - a much larger bike and God is holding me, his little girl, as tight as he can. "Shh, Haley, you're alright." (And yes, I can hear James Earl Jones.)

To my friends - I am so blessed by every single one of you. Thank you for always being there for me, for the little phone calls to say hello and for always being there for me. I thank you also for being there for Sara. Without her, I would be lost.

To my family - I think we have the best family in the world. I love the love we have for one another and I love how we all stick together in times of trial. We are stronger together than alone...I think we get that.

To Matthew - You are so special to me. Thank you for your support and for caring for me. God has blessed my life in so many ways just by putting you in it. Without you and your encouragement, I would never have been able to do something of the things I have, or said some of the things I have. I am so thankful for you.

That's it for me tonight.

I'm taking some timem to watch A Chorus Line right now. I have a little extra time and should probably be using it to do some reading, but oh well. I'll get my chapters read four more time before Tuesday so I think it's alright to take a little time to watch a movie. Besides, I have to write an introduction about myself for my construction science class (a class of 200+) so I might as well do something fun while I have to write about myself.

I like to write, but writing about myself is never something that I have enjoyed doing. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I don't want to come across as cocky, but I don't want to come across as not confident either. Finding the area in the middle, that says I'm confident, I know what I'm doing, but I'm not cocky has always been what I try to strive for when writing something like this. Why I didn't save the one I had to write last year will probably always be a mysetry to me. So I go with the usual things the prof wants to know...my year, major, where I'm from, goals, blah, blah, blah.

Wow. I just remembered everything I have to do...dang. So much for that movie.

First day of classes

First day of classes = no stress and time on my hands to do nothing. I thought I might actually watch t.v. because I haven't done that in a while. (Movies don't count.) Then I realized why I don't ever watch t.v. There's nothing on there worth watching. Instead I am playing tennis tonight with Sara and Michael, which should be fun even though I haven't picked up a racket in a couple of years. It comes back quickly, doesn't it?

I had two classes today from 11:30 - 6:00 but since it was the first day, I of course, got out early. One of my profs doesn't have his card to teach in the states yet so he technically can't teach until next Monday. Glad I'm taking a computer class from someone who speaks little English and can't actually teach. (Sense the sarcasm?) Ok, I shouldn't talk like that. I'm looking foward to the semester but not really looking foward to this class.

That's all for now. More on the weekend later tonight.

Neat is the word of the week

That's right - neat. What a great word. Think about it. Ok, that's all I have to say about that.

I was talking with a friend today on AIM. I don't talk to her as often as some other people but we do catch up on things every once in a while, which is nice. While I was talking to her I was reading her info and noticed that what she had written in there was very familiar. I kept reading and then it hit me. "Oh my gosh, she's quoting me!" It made my day to see that she had quoted me in her profile on something I had said about friendships on this blog. What a great compliment from someone to actually quote you.

So I really have more than just that one thing that made my day. When I told my mom about it she said, "you are such a wonderful young Christian woman....We are so proud of you!!!!" My parents are great...Especially for letting me live with them all summer and for being patient with me at work.

Ok and the number three thing that made my day, or is making it - I'm going to see Matthew today. I've been trying to keep myself busy so time would fly by just a little bit faster. I think I've done pretty good because it's already 12:00 and I'm not ready to go yet...dang, I should get on that!

Peeing your Pants

I'm going to San Antonio tomorrow to see Matthew and I'm so excited I could probably wet my pants. Speaking of which, I know I'm not the only one that has been so excited or laughed so hard that they wet their pants. I might be the only one to admit it, but that doesn't stop me.

One night in high school I was driving around Bellville with Nikki and Anna. I can't remember what we were talking and laughing about, but the next thing you know, I wet my pants...now it wasn't much, but come on, you get excited and a little pee comes out, no big deal. What's funny is that we still refer to that night. Ahh, good times.

What was the point of writing this anyways? Maybe I'm just so excited I had to write it down.

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good."

Psalm 118

I can remember a year ago thinking to myself, "Self, you have never been this happy before. What's the deal?" I couldn't answer that question then. However, I can answer it now and confidently say that I am that happy again...for different reasons though. (And now you are thinking, what on earth is she talking about?)

A year ago, I started a new chapter in my life. I was getting ready to start my sophomore year at A&M with a new major...haha, third time's a charm, right? I was so excited about architecture and can thankfully say that I still have the same passion for it as I did a year ago. But this time last year, I was going to school single...a new woman, changed for the good. It was my season and I was enjoying it. Everyday was a blessing and in everything there was reason to give thanks. Somewhere around the turn of the year I lost the excitement and joy I had for life. I spent the whole spring semester trying to get it back but couldn't figure out how to do it. It wasn't until the summer that I asked God to let me be fully single again, for my season - to focus only on Him, as He is my strength and my comfort. I hoped this was the answer I was looking for to get back to my happy place. All summer I prayed for to be fully single, to be comfortable and confident in myself. I said and genuinely meant, "God, I'm not looking for anyone. I am trusting you and know that when the time is right, you will put someone so amazing in my life. When the time is right, you will show him to me."

God is so amazing. When I wasn't looking, when I was happy to be single, God blessed me with the most wonderful person I have ever encountered, with the biggest heart for the Lord and for other people. Every moment I thank God for him. What is so beautiful about it is that I know this is God's work and not my own. I know it is God that put him into my life.

Now I'm getting ready to start school again but with a different happiness this year than last. Last year I was single for my season and this year God has blessed me with the most wonderful guy ever. I have a new excitement and energy for life and it's all because of God. I love the way he works in my life.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good.

a note before I go to sleep

I am seriously the luckiest, most blessed girl in the world. Saying that I am happy doesn't do justice to how I really feel.

You Gotta Have Friends

I was singing that, by the way...think about it.

I keep losing the post that I was working on...dang...here goes another shot to attempt to get back what I lost.

I've been writing about friends a lot recently and surprise, this also is about friends. But without friends, where is the fun in life, right? This is the post I've been promising to write for the past couple of days with a little motivation from 2 old friends.

Over the past couple of days, I have had been blessed to get to know some very intriguing people. I owe all of that to Matthew, for they are all his friends. They all have such a love for life and all of their smiles could light up any room. (Ok, I've been using horrible cliches recently.) But seriously, they are great people and I enjoyed each minute I got to spend with them and look foward to spending more time with them in the future. Before I go any further, I must give a little shout out to Alex...sorry you had to go back to school earlier than everyone else, but I enjoyed the lunch we all had together before you left.

It is interesting to watch how people interact with friends and even more interesting to note the friends that they keep. What is the attraction that draws certain people to other people? I am speaking on a purely friendship/relationship point of view. Why do you choose the friends that you do and why do you keep them around? It isn't just because you have fun together. There is so much more to a friendship than what is just on the surface. For example, in high school I had a friend that I hung out with who knew how to have good, clean, sober fun. We dressed silly and drove around the square, blasting music out of the windows, singing as loud as we could. We had fun. I haven't talked to this particular person since we graduated high school. She was a friend on the surface, but below that, there was nothing. We had no connection to each other beyond both having the ability to have fun without alcohol. (I should say that she only didn't drink around me. So I'm thankful for that and hope that my prescence had some sort of effect on her.)

I have two friends from high school that I still keep in regular contact with - Nikki and J.R. They were my first friends that I made when I moved to Bellville in seventh grade. I should say that my reason for only keeping in contact with two people is not because I didn't have friends, but when you live in a small town, there aren't many people that you have the choice to be friends with. You are friends with some of the people you are friends with because if you weren't, you wouldn't have any friends unless you branched out to surrounding towns which happened sometimes but not often. I wasn't ever much for drama so while my sister took over the friends that enjoyed always fighting, I went with the more mellow people. (I shouldn't say that about Sara's friends. Point is, we ran around with different crowds and mine tended to care a lot less about drama and gossip than some of the other people.) I'm sure I will always be friends with Nikki and J.R. They are good, quality people and I have been blessed with their friendship.

Ok, Ok, Ok...(quick, name who says that). Back to what I was saying...what was I saying? Ahh...so this is really about the new friends that I have met over the past week. How can one person have so many wonderful friends. I thought you were supposed to have like 5 good friends for your entire life...but he can name off 5 good friends in ten seconds because he has so many. "People like [him]." Actually, it might be rather hard to name 5 because then he might be forced to choose and he could never do that. Friends are wonderful and so important for the development of your character. There is something to be said about a person who chooses good friends. You are the company that you keep. I might not know all of you as well as him, but because I know him and he loves y'all, I know y'all are wonderful people. Hugs for you all!

Two more pictures.

Pictures

Just a few pictures from the past couple of days...more to come later.

A Nice Little Cry for Some Special People

I'm only at work today to keep my mind occupied but it's not really working. It's still wandering to things more interesting than rates and transfers, which makes me wish I would have stayed home to watch a movie or paint or build some stairs for Randyll to get into my bed.

I stopped at my mom's office this morning before coming into work to talk with her. First we started talking about Sara and I just started crying to her. I haven't cried in a while. Maybe it had been stored up and waiting to come out, but once I started crying, I just couldn't stop. Sara is upset with me because I told her boyfriend to love her like she's the most important and special thing in the world. To be nice to her and to get over himself before he lost her. I guess I overstepped my bounds as a sister.

This has been a hard summer. I haven't seen Sara much and I miss her. Now that she isn't talking to me it just...well...sucks. I hate that word and don't say it much but it's the truth. I love my sister and want only the best for her. But I'm keeping my mouth closed now. I've always had an open-bed policy with Sara. By this I mean Sara was always welcome to crawl into bed with me whenever she wanted. There are times she would come crying and just want to sleep with me. If you've never experienced this I don't know if you could ever truly understand what I feel when Sara crawls in bed with me. We're twins and have always been close and there is something so special when she comes to me and is upset and wants me to make it better. And if I can't make it better, she just wants me to listen while she crys. She hasn't done this in a while and I don't see much of her. I'm not bitter...just sad that things have changed. There is only one thing I fear in life, and that is that Sara and I will one day not be as close as we used to be. I would die if Sara and I ever ended up like other siblings who never speak.

Besides weeping for Sara this morning at the office, I had a little cry on the way to work by myself. I met some truly incredible people this past week and this morning three of them had to leave to go back to school. I know that I will see them all again, especially those at Trinity, but it's sad to think that the summer is coming to an end. I guess on the positive side of things, it ended on a high note. And for any of y'all reading this, I think you all are great and truly some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. I will write more on that later but for now I have to get back to work...or pretend to work before my Dad walks in. (It is great working for him though. He let me off most of this week to hang out with all of y'all!)

God is speaking to me and He sounds like James Earl Jones

This will need some explaining.

I quite possibly just had the biggest epiphany of my life. I now understand that God wasn't just teaching me to give everything over to Him,to fully rely on Him, He was teaching me patience as well. Patience for school and patience for relationships. But He also had so much more planned for me this summer that I ever thought.

I figured God was teaching me that I can't plan my life when I didn't get into Environmental Design when I thought I would. A year ago I knew that I was supposed to be in Environmental Design but God wasn't ready for that to happen - not how I thought it should. Ultimately it's not up to me and I know that, but it took me a year of not getting what I wanted when I thought I should to realize that. (I should clarify that when I say I didn't get what I wanted, I am referring to my plans in school.) This is where the patience comes in. There are days I could just hear God saying to me, "Patience, my child. I have great things planned for you but you have to let me do the work in your life." I mean, I could hear the voice of God loud and clear and he sounded just like James Earl Jones. Ok, so maybe everyone hears God's voice how they want to, but when He speaks to me, He sounds like James Earl Jones.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Even if you don't know why, there is a reason that will reveal itself eventually. I didn't know why I had to wait until this summer to get into Environmental Design instead of in the spring until now. To some, that's pretty quick...but when you think about it day after day like I did, it doesn't seem so quick. Well, I don't have to think about it anymore. It was made obvious to me today. You ready for this? (You might not think it's that big of a deal, but it is to me.)

Had I been accepted into Environmental Design in the spring, I would have stayed in College Station, taking classes all summer. But that's not what God wanted. He used this summer to strengthen many friendships and relationships that I have with people and show me some new ones, one in particular. Had I stayed in College Station, I wouldn't have met (again) one of the most incredible people I have ever come in contact with. Just thinking what it would have been like to have been accepted into Environmental Design now makes me sad. There's so much that I would have missed. But that's the beauty of it. I wasn't supposed to miss it. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. God is working in my life. He has complete control and it's the most wonderful feeling.

The other night I had a talk with God on the way home. Ususally my prayers are silent, but on this night, I needed to speak outloud to Him. So I didn't really have a talk, it was more of a conversation. Just me and God who sounds like James Earl Jones. It's such a beautiful relationship that we have with Him, to be able to cry out to Him, "I need you right now, God" and know that He's always there. But that's really another story for another time.

My Mother

I have a special relationship with my mother and didn't realize that many girls don't have the same relationship that we do until recently. I know my parents think that Sara and I are gifts from God - precious miracles, but I think I feel just as blessed to have them as my parents.

My day started out with my mom coming in and sitting on my bed for some girl talk. Most people would be annoyed to wake up with their mother sitting on their beds, but I find there is something so beautiful about it. My mother is very involved in my life and knows just about everything that goes on. We talk all the time, even when I'm away at school. When she sat down to talk, all I could say to myself was, "Yes, this is what a relationship between a mother and a daughter should be like."

My mother is great. We've always been close but after I left for college we became closer. When I lived in the house, she had to be the parent but now she has become my best friend. I'm living with my parents this summer and while I still must call to check in and let them know what I am doing, what time I am going to be home, I still have a lot of freedom. Two nights ago I walked in at 2:30 in the morning. I figured she would be asleep. (I forgot that she usually gets up between 2-3:30 to go to the bathroom every night.) When I walked in, she was sitting at the computer with a 2 litre bottle of coke, drinking directly from the bottle. (No, not all of it - there was only a little bit left but it makes for a great image, doesn't it?)

Instead of being upset that I was home an hour later than I said I would be, she looked at me, took a drink of coke, and laughed with me when I laughed at her for drinking from the bottle. Then she wanted to talk about my evening and all I had done. I have no problem talking with my mother and telling her things about my life. We are very open with each other and I value that. It wasn't until just recently that I figured out that I really don't have to tell her anything. She can read me like book - ahh, horrible cliche, did I just use that? Seriously - she knows me more than I thought. And you know, I'm happy about that. It's great that she can ask me a question and all I have to do is smile and she knows exactly what I am thinking...ahh, conversations without words are great. I love my mother...

On a different note but keeping with the family thing...my grandfather is 82 and writes emails to people. Is he not the coolest or what?

A tradgedy for hair

Today is a day of mourning for the women of the Marek household. We lost a dear friend this morning around 7:30. I begged Chi to hold on just a little longer but that just didn't happen. Yes, my straightener has a short in it. I can no longer straighten my hair. My mom is upset by this also. She too, uses the Chi.

This is a serious problem, you see. I'm fine to let my hair go curly but you can never predict when it will be having a good day. If it were a bad curly hair day, all I have to do is run the straightener over it and what do you know...what was once a bad curly hair day has become a good straight hair day!

I don't know how long we will be able to go without a straightener. I'm not really happy about having to shell out a bunch of money for another one, but what must be done must be done. Good thing pay day is tomorrow, right?

In other news, I think my dead great grandparents are haunting our house right now. MY dog was so spooked by something this morning and we can't figure out what it was. When I took him to my grandparent's house (yes, they dog sit him every day), he was still a little scared. For those that don't know, I live in my great grandparent's house.

Peter Pan, Heart, and Three Hours of Sleep

How in world are they related you ask? Good question, I'll explain...

Last night I had another blast from the past that kept me up until 4:00 this morning. I had three hours of sleep before coming into work this morning and let me just say that I feel GREAT! Why sleep when I can function on three hours? We had a great conversation - one of the best I've had in so long.

When I lived in Houston my mother played tennis with a group of women. All of the children ran around together and played at the tennis courts while they had their match. The girls built mud pies, which were referred to as "sissy pies" last night and the boys dug tunnels. We climbed trees together, played on the tire swing. Wait a second - they played on the tire swing, I watched and that was enough to make me want to throw up. I met Lori at the tennis courts when we were six and we have remained best friends since then. But Lori is not my blast from the past. I see her all the time. My blast from the past will be referred to as Peter Pan for reasons that I won't explain. All you need to know is that flying is his super hero power...that's right.

This is where Heart comes in. If you remember from childhood days, "When your powers combine, I am Captain Planet." (I know you were just saying that in the voice.) And since every flying super hero needs a trusty sidekick, Peter Pan gets Heart...ahem...me...I'm Heart for those that didn't catch onto that. We haven't developed a story yet, but you can be sure there will be one - a good one. I'm willing to bet it will be more interesting than this post.

So there - Peter Pan, Heart, and three hours of sleep...but I'm not done.

My mom walked in a few minutes before 4:00 after going to the bathroom and just stood there laughing at me. "What could you possibly still be talking about?" Oh there's lots mom. The last time we saw each other was two years ago. And before that I can't ever remember - so there's lots of catching up to do.

My dad told me I should to go to sleep at 12:00. "Alright Dad, I'm right behind you!" I said that with the best of intentions but the conversation was so good I couldn't pull myself away. I developed an elaborate plan around 3:30 in the morning just in case he woke up. You know after 2:00 is when the best plans are made! I shut the door to my room and turned off all the lights in the house. Back in the computer room, I kept an eye on the bathroom just incase the light flicked on. I can tell my parents apart from their footsteps (can't most people?) so when it flicked on, I listened carefully. At first it was just the dog and then my mom appeared. Had it been my dad that I heard, I was going to make a mad dash for the sofa in the back room and act like I had fallen asleep back there. Not that he would have cared - he just wanted to make sure I was up and able to go to work in the morning.

My parents are pretty easy going. Once in high school me and some friends snuck out of the house to make a movie all night all around town. But my parents are so cool I just said, "Mom, Dad - on Thursday night Sara and I are sneaking out of the house. We'll be gone all night." They just laughed...alright Haley, whatever you want to do. Don't get into trouble. I should now say that we broke a bench in the bank that night. But another story for another day. Haha...fun night.

I don't remember what I was writing about now. I've totally gone off on another tangent. I'll just wrap things up then. I very much enjoyed my conversation with Peter last night. I woke up with a new freshness of life...oh, that's what I was going to say. He's got a great outlook on life and is so full of life that you can't help but talk to him. When people are like that, you want to know more about them, know what it is that makes them so happy. So of course I had to talk...until 4:00. It was so refreshing to listen to him talk about life, his faith, old memories. Three hours of sleep isn't a lot of sleep, but this morning, I woke up feeling great. Good conversations just do that to me, I guess. Rise and shine and give God the glory!!

A poem for Nikki

No one is as lucky as me!
My best friend is pretty Nikki.
She makes me smile
And laugh a while.
And sometimes I wet my pants!

That's for you, Nikki! You rock the rock I call my world! Muah!

Come Ye Sinners

Come ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready, stands to save you
Full of pity, love and power

Come ye thisty, come and welcome
God's free bounty glorified
True belief in true repentance
And every grace that brings you nigh

I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in His arms
And in the arms of my dear Saviour
There are ten thousand charms

Come ye weary, heavy laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tary until you're better
You will never come at all

Words by Robbie Seay

Make new friends, but keep the old

I had a conversation with a friend last night that I hadn't spoken to in a while. Everytime we talk, we have a very good conversation, going back and forth with questions and comments for each other...you know, the way a conversation should go. (I also found out tonight that some people just don't know how to have a conversation at all but I'm not talking about that right now. I'm talking about friends.)

From high school, I have five friends that I keep in regular contact with by writing emails, chatting on aim, or a phone call. We always have so much to say to each other. They were great friends in high school and they are great friends now. With each person there was a falling out of sorts at one time or another and now our friendships are stronger. Each one of us is able to hold each other accountable for our actions. How great is that to be able to be so truthful with your friends? What are friends for if not to hold us accountable?

"Make new friends but keep the old..." That's so true. In college I have also made some good friends. Each one has such a strong relationship with Christ. It's amazing the people that He has put into my life. I have never met so many people as strong in their faith as I have met in college. With them, I truly feel that I am where I am supposed to be in my life.

Dang, I'm having a brain fart right now...I'll get back with this one later.

On a side note...everyone needs to check out Dave Barnes at www.davebarnes.com. All of his music is great so check out his sight and listen to some music, buy a CD and support the arts! Keeping with the music, I got word today that my main man Matt Wertz will have an EP out in early September with three new songs never recorded and two remixes by Ed Cash. More on that later...

And just to end this post, this has been running through my head since Saturday night...

Comet, it makes your face turn green
Comet, it tastes like gasoline
Comet, it will make you vomit
So buy some Coment and vomit today

How's that for a blast from the past?

I just lost the last entry I was writing...crazy computer problems...so I will update tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Randy enjoying a drive 

The two guys in my life - Dad and Randy 

Windmill 

Crossing 

Train Tracks 

Train 

AIDS in Africa

Here are just two pictures of the people in Africa struggling with AIDS. Still waiting on the Manna from Heaven website to get up and running.

Iced Tea 2

I found my wallet. It was hiding from me in my purse...

I just went to Sonic and got my iced tea sweetened to perfection by Splenda and am having a much better morning. I still shut my office door though.

Iced Tea

I just got into work. It's 10:18. I have closed the door to my office...well, my office until my dad returns from Africa which is around 9:30 later tonight. That means good-bye big comfy chair, desk to pile my stuff, and a door that I can close to unwanted visitors. It also means good-bye to making my own hours...arg...that's beside the point.

I'm on my way to work and decide that I really need a large ice tea from sonic to get me through this day. I'm tired and just really don't feel like being here. I'd rather be reading my book. (The final book in the series that I am reading, which, by the way, is just as good as the other two.) I pull into Sonic and start to look around and see how much cash I have on me...looking through the purse, can't find the wallet, no money floating around in the car...what??? I have no cash and my wallet has turned up missing! (I should say that yesterday I lost my dad's keys and had a little freak fest while my mom was on the phone with me.) I don't lose things too often so when I do, I don't handle it well.

All I want is an iced tea...large, with extra ice, sweetened to perfection with Splenda...and I want it from Sonic because everyone knows their ice is the best! But no, that's too much to ask this morning! So what do I do?? Have another little freak fest and cry a few tears for the iced tea that I won't have today.

I walk right into the office and close my office door behind me. I really don't feel like talking to anyone today. An iced tea would have made my day so much better...

And here I am, have everything to be thankful for, and I'm complaining about an iced-tea. Some people have never tasted iced tea and I'm complaining about not having it when I want it. This thought just made my day worse...aye.

LORD of the Streets

Yesterday I woke up at 4:50 to go into Houston with my mom to feed the homeless in the area. We went with our church in Katy – Church of the Holy Apostles. It’s an Episcopal Church. After Gene Robinson, the gay bishop, was consecrated in Connecticut a few years back, our church home in Bellville had a bit of a falling out. Whenever I am in Bellville, I worship with my parents in Katy. It’s a wonderful church filled with the Lord. But I digress.

I was in complete meditation the whole way into Katy. Due to some recent events, I didn’t feel that my heart was in the right place to serve. I just couldn’t serve food to the homeless without being in the right place with God. Due to the circumstances, I can’t expand much on this but I can say that by the time I got to the church, the spirit had been renewed in me and I was ready to serve.

After arriving at the church in Katy, we waited for everyone to get there, then in a caravan of cars, left for downtown Houston. We served at another Episcopal Church – Trinity. Before serving breakfast, we had the chance to join the church service with them. It was so wonderful to be in worship with the very people that we would be serving and to see the love they had for the Lord. Granted, some were asleep. I’m sure this is the only day they are able to sit in a comfortable pew with either the air or heat on, depending on the time of the year. But they know if they come to church, they get breakfast afterwards. For some, it’s the only full meal they will have all week. So maybe God is using food to get the people to church, but they’re there, aren’t they?

We took communion with them…from the same bread and the same cup of wine. It was such a good feeling to share this with them. Not many got up to take communion, but it was great to share with the ones that did. Some that didn’t take communion chose to have a healing prayer prayed over them from the preacher.

Now I must say something about the preacher. There couldn’t be a better man for the job than this very man. Sadly, I don’t remember his name. But he was so great with these people – his congregation. He truly is a shepherd looking out for his sheep. Apparently there was an episode last week where they all rushed to the tables during the closing song. The preacher made sure to remind everyone that they would all receive food and that it was rude to just leave during the song to go get the food. He said if it happened again, he would make sure that table was served last…so after the song, everyone waited to be dismissed.

I was a hot chocolate pourer all morning. These people loved their hot chocolate too. I couldn’t keep it coming fast enough. And after every cup I poured, each one said thank you, miss...or God Bless you, miss….or you pray for us and we pray for you…things of that nature. They were so grateful for the food and drinks. There were two little children there too. I don’t know if it was their father, but a man always made sure he had my attention in case the little ones needed some more to drink.

After everyone had enough to eat and drink, they left, we cleaned up, and then we took sack lunches to some people that hadn’t shown up. There is a place under a certain bridge than many of these men (mostly men) live. I have taken stuff to them before with my family so I knew where we were and what to expect. On Christmas Eve, my family took coats and blankets to them. That night it snowed in Houston. This day we took food and water and within ten minutes, they had basically wiped us clean. All except for a few bottles of water and sack lunches that were saved for another part of town. We went and delivered this food after departing the bridge.

There were just a few men at the final location. We handed out the food and water to them, told them it was going to be hot and that they needed to stay hydrated. They were grateful and like the previous location, everything was gone within ten minutes. Actually here it was more like five. There was one man who had everything he owned with him on the side of the sidewalk. He was in a t-shirt and boxers…said he had just washed everything because he didn’t have anything else to wear and that was the reason for him in his boxers. He was a very nice man.

We returned to our church in Katy, attended Sunday School and the service. It’s amazing how much we accomplished before 9:30 in the morning. How much time do we waste each day sleeping or watching television, or doing nothing at all? I will admit, I do need my sleep or I can’t function, but maybe I do need to reprioritize my day. More often than not, I find that I am “too tired” after working to just sit down with God. I say my prayers and read my Bible, but how much time do I actually devote to him? I mean really to be with him? Not enough, that’s for sure. I can’t feed the homeless everyday, but there are other things that I can do.

God has given me a servant’s heart and I intend to use it in the ways he has planned for me. I am so grateful.

No one is going to steal MY sunshine

Goal for the week:
I will not let anyone steal my sunshine. I will not let anyone make me feel like a bad person for the way I feel towards things or people. If it's not there, it's not there and nothing is going to change that. So I'm just going to keep on smiling and keep on shining. I'm not a bad person and I'm not a bad Christian.

Last night

Last night I went to a poetry reading with a friend in Houston. I was open-minded about it because it was something I had never done before. Actually, it's something I had always wanted to do just never actually did. So I was happy to be going and the company was good which helps any situation.

We get there and as we enter, we get lost in a thick fog of smoke...which is cool, I guess if you like to smoke and since you are able to smoke here, I won't knock them for it. However, I have bad reactions to smoke...headaches, sometimes stomach aches, and nausea. Everyone was smoking in there...and I mean everyone except myself, Evan, and a little two year old girl running around the place.

They start the reading and things are going alright. I will say that I had hoped for a little more, but that's alright. My only other complaint about the night and the point of this post as well as the last one about rude people is how unbelievably rude everyone was to each other and the language they used. I can take bad language, that's fine. But I can't put up with people using the Lord's name in vain. And I don't particularly enjoy hearing people speak about sexual things like it's casual conversation...I understand if someone wants to express themselves in their poetry but to have a conversation on stage, between readings, to people in the audience is another thing. I mean, I can talk about sex as an intimate act with the person you love and share the bond of marriage with, but to talk about it like it's an everyday thing...and acceptable to do everyday with anyone you please...I don't want to talk about that.

When did it become socially acceptable to have sex with whomever you please? It's morally unacceptable to me, going against everything I believe and everything in the Bible. I was raised differently than most people, I guess. I am so thankful I have such wonderful parents.

Rude People

I strongly dislike rude people...that's all I have to say for now. I want to go to sleep but have to get the "scent o' bar" off of me...Yuck.

Kilimanjaro

A little motivation for myself and J.R. -

Never measure the height of a mountain,

until you have reached the top.

Then you will see how low it was.

Dag Hammarskjold

Ok - work now, write later.

Alright so this post is all about the Holy Babblers - my mother, Donna Reifkohl, Becky Bader, and Nonnie Jones - they are some of the most spiritual women I have ever met and they like to get together and talk. Sometimes they talk so fast you can't understand a word that comes out of their mouths, hence the name the "Holy Babblers." This post is about them and the connections that I have with each of the women.

The first should be obvious. My mother is mother - she's a goof sometimes, but I will get to that later. The first picture on here is of my mom on the right and Donna on the left. Donna was my 7th grade home economics teacher. Everyday before she would let anyone enter her room, she would stand outside and the door and make us tell her how beautiful we were. I'm glad she did this. It always started the day off with everyone feeling good about themselves. I still wake up and tell myself I am beautiful in the mirror, not because I am vain, but because it's just a good way to start off the day.

Next there's Becky and Nonnie. Becky is on the left and Nonnie is on the right. Becky was my sophomore English teacher, however, I have known her since I moved to Bellville in seventh grade. Becky used to teach seventh grade and her room was right across the hall from Donna's. Later she moved to teaching high school and I was so lucky to have her as a teacher. I learned so much from her. Now that I am out of school, the learning continues. She has been such an inspiration to me in so many ways. I look to her a lot for spiritual advice as well as advice on things in life. Besides my parents, Becky probably knows the most about me. And it is quite possible that she is the goofiest person I know...but that's a good thing.

Nonnie is the most recent addition to the Holy Babblers. She and her family moved to Katy about a year ago...maybe a little more than that (my memory is failing me right now). Her husband works with my father and this is how she got hooked up with the group. They all attend Beth Moore on Tuesday nights together. Nonnie is probably one of the kindest persons I know. I've had the chance to spend a lot of time with her recently. (Her son is a year older than me so we hang out a lot.) She is quick to serve me food whenever I go to her house and first to give me a hug. You can really see the Lord working through her. She is such a wonderful person to be around.

And that's the group and just a little of how they have impacted my life...now back to my mother....and her favorite joke. She always ends this joke with a slap on the knee and, "isn't that funny?"

Ethel and Mertle are driving in the car. Ethel is driving. They go through a red light and Mertle thinks to herself, "I wonder is Ethel knows she just went through a red light?" but she doesn't say anything. Then Ethel drives through the second right light. Mertle again thinks to herself, "I wonder if she knows she has just gone through two red lights?" Then Ethel drives through a third red light so Mertle says, "Ethel did you know you just drove through three res lights?" Ethel responds, "Oh, am I driving?"

And that's the joke...I will say that it is better than Matt Lester's pass the shampoo joke. (Nikki, you might remember that one.) The following three pictures are of my mom...cracking herself up with her favorite joke of all. Note that this is right after the knee slap.










And here she is saying, "Isn't that funny? I just think that is so funny." Yes mom, it's funny. I guess we just don't find it as funny as you...but keep telling it. We'll keep laughing!

And just as a side note...she really does crack me up. She's a goof sometimes, but I love her.

The Holy Babblers are starting a non-profit organization called Manna From Heaven. I have written about this in a previous post. Soon there will be a website and I'll get that link on here as soon as it is up and running.

My mom and her friends will probably kill me for this post if they ever see it...such is life.

eastmountainsouth

New song...yay for those, right? eastmountain south is a duo that mixes folk, rock, pop, and maybe a little bit of country, yes country, into their music...but seriously, check out their song "Rain come down". It's a great tune that just puts you at ease when you listen to it...

Dark clouds a'risin', thunder bolts a'rollin', master jesus ridin' around with a rainbow 'round his shoulders. Seek on, oh, seeker, come go to glory with me and you shall wear a starry crown, come join the band of angels. Rain come down, rain come down, hear him above ridin' around.....

rush of emotions = random post

I feel the urge to write yet have nothing to say. I am in the process of scraping my jaw up off the the very table that this computer sits on. I had some news tonight, not unpleseant, just unexpected. My reaction to the news is still in the works. Yes that's right, I don't know how to react, so until I do, my mouth will remain open. My grandmother would say that I could catch flies in it...

On a different note, I had supper last night with a wonderful sister in Christ and today I had the joy of lunching with another wonderful sister in Christ. God has greatly blessed me with two incredible girls to hang out with and talk to this past year. It's so important to have girl friends in your life. They keep you in check and everyone needs that a little now and then. They have such wonderful big hearts for the Lord. I admire them both.

I have asked God to let me be fully single and enjoy all the wonderful things it has to offer. I pray a prayer to him about it multiple times during the day. I want to focus all my attention on him. One day Mr. Right will come into my life and it will be wonderful, but I need to focus on the real Mr. Right...my Lord is always perfect and loving and I always take comfort in Him. He is my strength. I love that I can say, "God, I really need you to help me through this day because I just feel like giving up." I know he's right there with me. I love to picture Him walking with me, always. It's such a beautiful picture. He's with me wherever I go and I take comfort in that.

This is really just a random post, isn't it? I've just got a lot of things on my mind right now and they are all jumbled up. Maybe if I could get my bottom lip back with my top lip, things might come out better...maybe not. I'm still in shock. I know, I haven't said why...well here it is...I was the transition girl, not the rebound, the transition girl. You could be thinking, ahh, not the rebound, that's good right? No one wants to be the rebound! Well, no one really wants to be the transition either. I mean, come one...that's says you weren't really feeling anything at all. You were just in the process of transitioning from from the ex girlfriend (something bad) to the new girlfriend (something better) but then there is me, in between...what does that make me? The transition...

Ack...no more words...like I said, it's me and my God...and my wonderful girlfriends...and my sister and my dad and my super cute dog...can't forget Randy...and the Holy Babblers...and lots of other things...I do have a wonderful life with wonderful people in it. Every once in a while you just need a reality check.

It's ok to hurt

I came to the realization tonight 30 minutes after talking to a friend for two hours that it is ok to miss someone. (I know this wasn't her intention to make me realize this, but I'm gald she did.) I've tried so hard all summer to block out a certain someone for fear of hurting. I don't want to hurt, I don't want to cry, I don't want to be sad. But I am human and as a human, I feel all of these things and it's ok. And it's ok to start crying out of the blue because the fact of the matter is I do hurt. I was deeply moved by a person and it didn't work out and now I find myself trying to forget how I felt because I don't want to hurt now.

I can't even write this right now...

Thank you, friend, for our conversation tonight.

Goals

I have 4 Goals for my life:

1. Run a marathon
2. Climb Kilimanjaro
3. Backpack through Europe
4. Build homes in Africa

Sara and I will be backpacking through Europe upon graduation. J.R. and I are going to climb Kilimanjaro. He doesn't know it yet, but he will also be running a marathon with me. Eventually, I am going to build in Africa and hopefully with a team of people.

Today is my last day for all things bad...by that, I mean...tater tots, haha. I don't do sweets, so I'm alright in that area and rarely do fast food, so I seem to be on the right track...now the fun part - training. J.R. won't be back for another three weeks so I will have to start without him. I'm sure he will catch up...haha, get it?? (Cheesy, I know, but didn't you laugh?)

Shoe gods

The shoe gods LOVE me. I went into a shoe store yesterday just to look around and immediately a pair of shoes caught my eye...so cute...and come to find out, they are on sale! I love that. Then I turn around and, bam, another cute pair of shoes are in my face and...on sale! So I calculate the costs in my head and say, $75 for two pair of shoes, I can do that...

Now comes the best part...I am paying for my shoes and instead of the $75 that I was expecting, the girl hits me with the price of $45...whoa! What? A sale on top of the sale price? How could I be so lucky? The shoe gods love me and that's all there is!! I should have bought two more pair!

It made my day...especially after taking off work early to go shopping...ahh, good day!

On a different note, I got the second book in the series that I am reading...She's Out of Control by Kirsten Billerbeck. Just started it, but so far, it's great, just like the first one!

Note: Of course I know there is no such thing as a shoe god...but if there were, it would definately love me.

Dog Sitting

I had to house/dog sit for a couple yesterday and last night. Three little dogs attacked me as I walked in the house and their incessant barking was enough to drive me crazy but they eventually calmed down and allowed me to take a nap on the couch for about an hour. Of course they slept right beside me.

Around 10:30-ish...actually I have no idea when it was, but that's what I'm going to say...the power went out. Ahh, strange dark house, no flash ights, don't know where the matches are, and the dogs have begun to bark again. After making some phone calls from the cell phone, I found a flashlight, and a friend a few miles away brought over some candles and matches. We played three hands of gin before the lights came back on and the dogs stopped barking.

At 12:00 I tried to go to bed. The dogs wouldn't pee outside, of course. They like to sleep with their owners, so I crawled into bed with three dogs...no, two...one wouldn't get on the bed with me on it...until 1:00!!! Ahhh, I just wanted to get some rest! At 6:00 this morning, one of the dogs woke me up to let me know it had just peed in the bed, right nest to my face...as if I wouldn't feel/ smell it, right? So at 6:00 I am up and the sheets are off the bed and in the washing machine.

It's been a long morning already. Tonight I will go to sleep early...with just one dog in the bed who never pees in it...my Randy!

New Song

I've got a new song of the week, playing on repeat right now recommended by Matt Wertz. "Mystery" by Indigo Girls is an amazing song. To quote him, "'Mystery' by the Indigo Girls is the most beautifully written song, lyrically, that i've ever heard in my life. Every line in that song could inspire pages of analysis. There is more truth wrapped up in that song than most of us have known in our whole life." So check it out and here are the lyrics, because I know you'll want to read them for yourself.

Each time you'd pull down the drivewayI wasn't sure when I would see you again/Yours was a twisted, blind-sided highway/No matter which road you took then

Oh you set up your place in my thoughts/Moved in and made my thinking crowded/Now we're out in the back with the barking dogs/My heart the red sun, your heart the moon clouded

Refrain
I could go crazy on a night like tonight/When summer's beginning to give up her fight/And every thought's a possibility/And voices are heard, but nothing is seen/Why do you spend this time with me/May be an equal mystery

So what is love then, is it dictated/Or chosen - Handed down or made by hand/Does it sing like the hymns of a thousand years/Or is it just pop emotion - Handed down or made by hand/And if it ever was there, and it left/Does it mean it was never true/And to exist it must elude/Is that why I think these things of you

{Refrain}

Oh, but you like the taste of danger/It shines like sugar on your lips/And you like to stand in the line of fire/Just to show you can shoot straight from your hip/There must be a thousand things you would die for/I can hardly think of two/But not everything is better spoken aloud/Not when I'm talking to you

Oh, the pirate gets the ship and the girl tonight/Breaks a bottle to christen her/Basking in the exploits of her thief/She's a very good listener/And maybe that's all that we need is to meet in the middle/Of impossibility/Standing at opposite poles/Equal partners in a mystery - Handed down or made by hand/We're standing at opposite poles/Equal partners in a mystery

More later...

Running in the Rain

We got a beautiful downpour today in Bellville. What does that mean for me? I'm going running!

There are many pros about running in the rain. For one, it isn't nearly as hot as it is without the rain. Sweat doesn't feel like sweat and that is nice. But my motivation for running in the rain tonight wasn't because I didn't want to feel the sweat drip down my back. I ran for the pure enjoyment of running in the rain, experiencing God's wonderful grace in one of the puresest forms - nature. There is something so beautiful about the world in the rain. I opted not to take my ipod with me and run to the sound of the rolling thunder. It was definately the best experience of my week. I wish it would rain more...if not for my enjoyment then to give the grass some water. My running continued until I saw a huge flash of lightening streak across the sky a little too close for comfort. At that point I looked to the sky and said outloud, "Alright, God, I'm going in now!" acknowleding the fact that God was about to unleash some glorious rain in heavy amounts...

After my run I finished my book...dang...now I have to wait until the morning to rush to the bookstore and grab the next book. I love to read but I am always a little sad when a good book ends. I want to keep reading it...at least there are two more books in the series which promise to be just as good as the first one.

What a Girl Wants

I know I've already posted something about this book, but I've got one more thing to say. I have been reading What a Girl Wants this morning and found myself actually laughing out loud while I was reading it. I've never laughed out lout from a book...this is great!

Looking Back

I just spent the morning re-reading past posts on here and think it might be time to clue everyone, including myself, in on where I am in life...

To start off, my dog is still the cutest dog ever. My parents are scheming up ways that they can keep him for themselves. They have tried many things. My room mate just got a dog so my parents tried the..."Well, Randy won't like the new dog, so he should probably stay with us" line. Nice try, guys. I would even go so far as to say that my parents talked Shannon into getting a dog to keep Randy for themselves...nice try guys.

About Africa...I haven't been back since May 2004 and have the itch to get back there...or maybe it's just the itch to leave the country...or the itch to do some good? Hmm...Looks like I won't be going back to Africa for the rest of this year...unless I can get a trip in there in December, but I doubt that. Although, I have never been in December and would like to do that for a change. Manna from Heaven (the 501 c 3) is just getting started in the US...a group of women are heading it up...my mom and her three wonderful and goofy friends. They are all great and I love them to death...I should post a picture of them...anyways, they will be doing fundraisers and my dad will donate $10 from every client on safari with Ker and Downey to Manna from Heaven. These women will then take all of the money to Africa to buy food, clothes, soccer balls, etc. for the people with AIDS over there.

On a different note about Africa...previously I had started a "Send Haley to Africa to see the Gorillas" fund or something like that. I didn't get much response to that...actually, none, so I am going to have another go at it but this time it is the "Send Haley Climbing" Fund. I am going to climb Kilimanjaro and have one of my very good friends that is going to go with me. Together, we are going to tackle that mountain...ahh...I can't wait. I should just move to Africa. Then I wouldn't have to pay for all those pesky airline tickets.

Alright...I am having a brain fart and can't remember what else I was going to say...it happens.