italy, here i come

I'm leaving for Italy tomorrow and have a slight pain in my chest. Anxiety seems to have taken over the excitement I am feeling to finally be out of College Station. I've never spent more than probably two weeks away from anyone in my family. Living only 50 minutes away from home, it is very simple to drive home whenever I feel like it, even if it's just for the evening. My cousin tried to put it in perspective for me - 9 hours away...that's all...just like going to Texas Tech. Instead of having 8 or 9 hours of land between us, we will have an ocean...yeah, that ocean doesn't help to put it into perpective, does it? I'll just stick with the 9 hours. I guess the anxieties I'm feeling are just of the unknown...traveling without my parents, traveling without Sara...what it's even going to be like not to see Sara every day or every weekend...

I spent two months apart from Matthew a couple of weeks ago, so what's another three months, right? A freaking long time - that's what. I am trying to push thoughts of not seeing him or my family away right now though...I've already cried so much that my eyes have not stopped hurting since Saturday evening. I'm absolutely exhausted from the outpouring of emotion, but I can't sleep.

I'm so excited to have the opportunity to study in Italy. It's going to be amazing. All of my saddness is rooted in the fact that I want the people I love to be there with me. I want to experience this with them.

defensive driving

So yeah...got my first speeding ticket the other day - 45 in a 35. Yeah, I know...I always hoped my first speeding ticket would be for something cool - like 97 in a 40 or something like that...you know, one of those outrageous tickets with a really good story to go along with it. But no, mine was nothing like that. I just simply thought the speed limit was 40, thought 45 wasn't that big of a deal, and then got a ticket. Woo-hoo, for that. I think the officer really just wanted to give tickets too. His excuse - "Well, there's a bunch of new freshman walking around and we have to be careful this time of year." Oh give me a break. Freshman are like what...18 years old - old enough to walk on the sidewalk and cross a street. If you can't do that by 18, do you really need to be at University? I'm not so sure about that. Anyways...now I'm doing defensive driving. Actually, I'm trying to do it. It nearly puts me to sleep every time I log onto it. However, last night I did have some comedic relief when I read the following statements:

"So even if you are in the midst of the most consuming temper tantrum, do yourself and everyone else a favor: step back from your all-encompassing emotions and recognize you have a problem."

On having a designated driver - "It encourages one person in a carload of drinkers to abstain from drinking, while the others can become drunk as skunks."

"...switching lanes every few seconds at twice the posted speed limit may remind them of glorious moments on the footnball field."

"It is bettwe to blow ten minutes than the rest of your life."

"The natural impulse may be to brake sharply for that little kitten, but the Mack truck behind you could make road kill out of both you and the kitten."

Whoa, this is seriously some great literature...good job Texas Education Agency.

idea

So I was watching HGTV...like I often do...actually, I don't think my television has any other channels - and I had an idea. Why don't places where you go to buy a spa have you bring a bathing suit along. That way you can test them out and see which one you like best instead of just looking at them, picking colors and counting jets. I mean, you can make a color choice simply by looking at it, but how do you know if you are going to like the way it feels once you are inside, enjoying it? You can't know that simply by looking at it. Maybe somewhere you can test the spas before you buy...they'd have my business, that's for sure.

sleep? why would I sleep at 12:30?

I've discovered that it is not a wise idea for me to do any type of serious thinking past...I don't know...11:00 at night - for the simple reason that it is now 12:30 and I am wide awake. It's as if the thought of sleep had never entered my mind earlier this evening. (When actually I was quite ready to go to bed at 8:00 but decided it would be much too early, knowing that I would wake up about this time and feel as if I had just taken a nap. So whether I went to bed at 8:00 or not, I'd still be wide awake now. Hmm, maybe I should have gone to bed at 8:00. At least then I would have gotten a little sleep.)

I think I'm awake now because tonight...just 10 days before I leave for Italy, I have finally realized that in 10 days, I'm actually leaving for Italy. I'm excited and nervous at the same time, which is a weird feeling to have. Am I more excited or more nervous? I don't know. Surely one feeling is stronger than the other. Maybe right now I'm more nervous - but even if I were excited, I would still be up thinking about it. Ahh, this is getting me no where at all.

Tomorrow we are having a going away party. I think I'm not ready for that - saying goodbye to my family for three and a half months. It would be one thing if I did that when I left for college when I was a freshman, but I didn't. I see them all the time. I am used to seeing them all the time. Sunday dinner with my grandparents every week - you get kind of used to that. Driving home in the middle of the week to stay the night with my parents - no big deal. But now, an ocean in between us - how will I ever deal with that?

dipping in class?

So I'm not quite sure, but it's probably not a good idea to dip in class. Besides the fact that a big wad of tobacco in your mouth is gross (and rots your teeth) the dip cup sitting on the desk is not the most lovely site in the world. Glancing down the row of computers and seeing a water bottle with not water in it but a brown substance isn't how I want to start my day. Is it even legal?

i think you need to step away

That's exactly what my professor told me this morning before I left class. I had spent about two hours trying to figure out one little thing on the computer, asked him multiple questions, then started tearing up. He sat down next to me and patiently explained - again - what was going on. Then he said to me, "I think the problem here is you are way too stressed. You need to remove yourself for a little while. Before you do the other section, I think you need to step away." So I said ok, saved my work, and shut down my computer. And that was it for class for the day...sometimes the best thing to do is just step away.