I blinked and now it's November 18th...November 18th: 9 days after my 22nd birthday, 82 days after arriving in Italy and 19 days until I will be home. I'll be home and I don't know if I'm ready now. I've spent two and a half months missing home and now I miss Italy. I miss Italy and I'm still here. It's never going to be the same. Life will go back to normal on December 8th. On December 8th, I won't be walking to Hermes for a drink with a friend, I won't be walking to the Co-Op for as many packages of smarties as I can carry, I won't be here. I won't be in Italy. I won't be with these people. I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready not to see everyone every day...I'm not ready to eat without them, to pour water for only myself, to fight over who gets the apple or the pear, to watch a movie on a computer screen because our DVDs won't play here. I'm not ready to part with these people and the friendships we've made. It won't be the same. It won't ever be the same. We'll go back to our lives in the States, we'll see our families and our loves, and in January we will see each other again in studios and classes...but it won't be the same. The bond we've created won't be the same. I'm not ready for that. I love these people too much. I do love them. They have become my family. My family of 30+ college students. Many people are ready to go home. We've got less than three weeks left now. I'm not ready to go home. Maybe it's because my dad was here for my birthday last week and Sara and my mom will be here in two days. My family is coming here and I will see them and I can share this with them - which is what I've wanted all semester - to share Italy with my loved ones. And now they are here and they get to see the wonder of this spectacular place. Then they leave and I follow them a week later. I'll be back to Italy. Leaving Italy isn't what makes me sad. But leaving these people makes me so sad.

Things have kind of slowed down a bit and I am thankful for that. Yesterday we had a field trip to Ravenna and it was so relaxing. Definitely the most relaxing field trip we’ve had yet. It was so laid back and less structured than previous trips, especially the trip to Rome. Everyone in Ravenna rides around on bicycles or walks. I saw only one car yesterday and one vespa. It was so neat to see everyone on bikes.

This weekend I’m staying pretty local. I woke up this morning feeling a little sick. I’m hoping it is just allergies and the change in the weather and not the little bug that seems to be circulating around Santa Chiara. I spent about two hours at Hermes Café, drinking hot green tea and working on my bible study. I think I’m beginning to see what it is really like to be clothed in strength and dignity (Proverbs 31). But of course I’m always learning and there’s still much to learn.

This afternoon Peter Lang is taking us to Arezzo. Not really sure what he wants to do with us there. I guess we’ll see. I don’t feel well though.

Rome

I have had quite an adventure over the past week. On Tuesday morning everyone from A&M that’s studying here at Santa Chiara took a train to Rome. I was so excited to be going to Rome and when I got there, I was more excited than when I actually landed in Italy. How that works, I’m not really sure, but I was. We dropped our stuff off at the hotel and grabbed a sandwich at a little bar about a block down the road. Then a group of us took the metro (of which I am a pro now) to the Colosseum. By the way, I discovered that mass transit stresses me out, especially the metro during rush hour because of the close proximity to everyone. When we got off the metro at the Colosseum and started walking towards it, I could barely contain my excitement. When I could see it through the door, it felt like Christmas morning in September. I had only read of ancient Rome in history and Latin books, but to see it, right there in all its glory was amazing. I haven’t been so excited in a long time. We spent the afternoon walking through ancient Rome and I was actually impressed with how much I remembered from Latin. I could picture the Roman forum and basilica as it was originally and could see a parade marching towards the Colosseum. It was so overwhelming. We saw the prison where Peter and Paul were held, which brought so much to life for me. I think I tend to compartmentalize things – this relates to history that relates to religion, and so on. Just being here has made me realize that’s not how the world is at all, and all of a sudden, my Latin, history, and religion were one with architecture. It was incredible.

On Wednesday morning we had breakfast at the hotel, so everyone was very happy about that. Breakfast at Santa Chiara is on your own, which means a lot of us don’t eat it. (By the way, thank you so much for the package, Mom. It was waiting for me last night when I got back.) In the morning, we had an audience with the Pope. We had reserved seats, which just means we were able to sit while everyone else stood around. We were also recognized for being there and though we are not supposed to whoop while we’re here, some people did. (That’s so embarrassing too. Who ever came up with the idea to whoop at A&M must have been a real hick or something. Why do people enjoy sounding like animals?) The Pope drove around in a little car through the crowd for a while. I guess he needed to know that he had the support of the people behind him. During his address he semi apologized again for what he said the other week, but not really. You could tell he stood by what he said but was just trying to cause a little peace and put it to rest. It made me chuckle a little.

In the afternoon, we spent the day inside St. Peter’s, which was absolutely amazing. I’ll have to send some pictures, because I don’t know how I will ever put into words what it was like to be in there. Again, it really set into motion all I had learned about it in classes. I had always heard that as you get closer to it, Michelangelo’s dome seems to disappear but to actually see that is something else. I can see why he might get criticized for that. Why would he design a dome that disappears, but originally the plan was a Greek Cross plan and it wouldn’t have the effect of disappearing like it does now – with the longitudinal plan. (That might be boring to some of y’all – but Sara – that’s for your benefit☺)

That evening we had a gallery opening at a museum to attend, which was very neat. We got to see a whole bunch of museums that have been proposed all over the world. It was great to see how architects have worked out solutions for the building and the environment it will be situated in and for what purpose the museum is being built. However I did see one of them that simply just looked like a blob. I didn’t like it at all.

On Thursday morning we felt as if we had been there for a week and we were all pretty exhausted, but we had a full day with Peter Lang (our studio professor) planned. We started off going to the Etruscan Museum and then to see Renzo Piano’s concert halls. We toured them and this was definitely the best part of the day. It’s incredible how much attention to detail there was. And each chair in the halls cost 800 euros each. Let me just say that when we sat in them, we all said to ourselves, “These chairs are so worth 800 euros.” By this point in the day, we were all very tired and hadn’t had lunch yet. It was about 2:30 and many of us were irritable and I seriously thought I was going to pass out, haha. But the day was not over yet. Peter said we had a thirty minute walk to our next sight, which turned into two and a half hours of walking, taking buses, and retracing our steps, which didn’t help the situation at all. Then we were lead right into the ghetto of Rome and there is no joking about that. We were standing right in the middle of a gypsy village and a group of Kurds flying their flag and a group of Pakistanis. Me being the person that I am was scared to death. Many of the people were nervous and upset that Peter took us to the place. It’s one of those places that I am glad I got to see but would have much preferred to see it on slides in a classroom, if you know what I mean. We ended up at the Macro, museum for contemporary arts, where there was an exhibition by Christian Boltansky on death. It was in an old slaughterhouse and it was a little eerie walking through there. He was drawing attention to how many people died while working in the slaughterhouse – interesting, but kind of weird. The more I think about it, the more I like it, but it was definitely strange at first. That evening a group of us went to Hard Rock Café for a little touch of home and some American food. A bunch of people were feeling homesick last week. -maybe from the realization that we will be here for a while. So the night at Hard Rock came at a perfect point in the trip.

Friday concluded our trip to Rome and we left for Capri, but that will come later!

It has finally set in that I'm here for a while, though it still feels as if I'm at a summer camp or something like that...living in dorms, eating meals with everyone at a set time, scheuled classes and meetings and such. Italy won't ever be home though.

It's a rainy Sunday today. I'll be able to get a lot of reading done, which is nice. I spent the morning with James. (The book, that is.) Right now, the biggest thing that sticks out to me is praying for others. We are called to pray for others. But it doesn't only heal the person being prayed for, but can have amazing healing powers for the person doing the praying, I've found. Though this should not be our motivator to pray - it's just a benefit...I guess. This week I think I'll pray for someone I don't normally pray for. Everyone needs prayers. I need a lot.

I miss going to church on Sundays. The only churches around here are in Italian and they are Catholic. So I wouldn't understand the service or the language. Meeting with the girls every week provides fellowship, and for that, I am thankful. I do miss going to church with my family though...and communion.

going and coming

I don’t know if I’ll ever catch up on sleep. This constant going and coming takes a lot out of you. I was in Cinque Terre this past weekend, hiking with two other girls. The hiking was great. We were on trails that overlooked the ocean, right on the side of the mountain -great views of great landscape and a big feeling of insignificance to come with it. Just standing there looking at the vastness of the ocean…how do you even put into words the feeling you get, when you look all around you and the only thing you see is water? Water that seems to go on forever…it’s incredible.

I went to bed at 9:00 both nights, if from nothing else but sheer exhaustion. Combining hiking all day, the sun beating down on you, and the thrills of a new place – rest was definitely high on my list of priorities for the weekend. By Sunday, I was ready to get back to Santa Chiara though, which was a new experience for me as well. The feeling was one of wanting to go home, and then realizing that for the next couple of months, Santa Chiara and Castiglion Fiorentino is my home. S.C. is where I come to relax and unwind, but just a week ago, it was a place so foreign, that all I wanted to do was fly back to the states. Home in Italy, but not really home, for my life is nothing without the people in it, and the loves of my life are not here in Italy, but home. Home in Texas. But then if you think about that idea of home, it’s only temporary as well. For my real home isn’t even in Texas, but with God. Whoa, way too much for me to think about right now.

Tomorrow we are heading to Sienna for a field trip, which means I’ll be tired on Thursday. It’s just a constant cycle of going and coming…and somewhere in there, I get some rest. I didn’t realize how much traveling could take out of you. This weekend we are staying local just to catch up on rest…might make a trip to Cortona (a five minute bus ride, I’ve heard) and will probably wash some clothes. I have to figure out where I can hand wash some stuff…I got some clothes back from the laundry service and one of my favorite shirts had been bleached…not a fancy shirt or anything, but still a favorite of mine.

Ok…time to read, and maybe take a nap. I mean – they take a siesta here in Italy every day from 1-4, so I might as well also, right? Submerge myself in to the culture.

Adjusting to life in Italy hasn't been too terribly hard. Everything moves at a much slower pace in Castiglion Fiorentino, which is greatly appreciated after the summer I had in class all the time. Classes started this week but so far they aren't too time consuming and we've been able to get out and explore the town. Our first field trip was to Florence yesterday, so that was exciting. We'll be going back a couple more times while we are here. It was just a basic introduction to the city.

The one thing I do miss from Texas...good Mexican food - especially Galileos and fajitas. The food here is great, but I will say, I'm a little tired of pasta, but when you're eating from a set menu, there's not much choice.

I miss my family, Matthew, and my friends but thanks to technology, we are able to talk for free over the internet. That really helps me get through the days without them. That's all for now, but maybe later I'll get to my story from Florence yesterday. It was quite traumatic for me.

italy, here i come

I'm leaving for Italy tomorrow and have a slight pain in my chest. Anxiety seems to have taken over the excitement I am feeling to finally be out of College Station. I've never spent more than probably two weeks away from anyone in my family. Living only 50 minutes away from home, it is very simple to drive home whenever I feel like it, even if it's just for the evening. My cousin tried to put it in perspective for me - 9 hours away...that's all...just like going to Texas Tech. Instead of having 8 or 9 hours of land between us, we will have an ocean...yeah, that ocean doesn't help to put it into perpective, does it? I'll just stick with the 9 hours. I guess the anxieties I'm feeling are just of the unknown...traveling without my parents, traveling without Sara...what it's even going to be like not to see Sara every day or every weekend...

I spent two months apart from Matthew a couple of weeks ago, so what's another three months, right? A freaking long time - that's what. I am trying to push thoughts of not seeing him or my family away right now though...I've already cried so much that my eyes have not stopped hurting since Saturday evening. I'm absolutely exhausted from the outpouring of emotion, but I can't sleep.

I'm so excited to have the opportunity to study in Italy. It's going to be amazing. All of my saddness is rooted in the fact that I want the people I love to be there with me. I want to experience this with them.

defensive driving

So yeah...got my first speeding ticket the other day - 45 in a 35. Yeah, I know...I always hoped my first speeding ticket would be for something cool - like 97 in a 40 or something like that...you know, one of those outrageous tickets with a really good story to go along with it. But no, mine was nothing like that. I just simply thought the speed limit was 40, thought 45 wasn't that big of a deal, and then got a ticket. Woo-hoo, for that. I think the officer really just wanted to give tickets too. His excuse - "Well, there's a bunch of new freshman walking around and we have to be careful this time of year." Oh give me a break. Freshman are like what...18 years old - old enough to walk on the sidewalk and cross a street. If you can't do that by 18, do you really need to be at University? I'm not so sure about that. Anyways...now I'm doing defensive driving. Actually, I'm trying to do it. It nearly puts me to sleep every time I log onto it. However, last night I did have some comedic relief when I read the following statements:

"So even if you are in the midst of the most consuming temper tantrum, do yourself and everyone else a favor: step back from your all-encompassing emotions and recognize you have a problem."

On having a designated driver - "It encourages one person in a carload of drinkers to abstain from drinking, while the others can become drunk as skunks."

"...switching lanes every few seconds at twice the posted speed limit may remind them of glorious moments on the footnball field."

"It is bettwe to blow ten minutes than the rest of your life."

"The natural impulse may be to brake sharply for that little kitten, but the Mack truck behind you could make road kill out of both you and the kitten."

Whoa, this is seriously some great literature...good job Texas Education Agency.

idea

So I was watching HGTV...like I often do...actually, I don't think my television has any other channels - and I had an idea. Why don't places where you go to buy a spa have you bring a bathing suit along. That way you can test them out and see which one you like best instead of just looking at them, picking colors and counting jets. I mean, you can make a color choice simply by looking at it, but how do you know if you are going to like the way it feels once you are inside, enjoying it? You can't know that simply by looking at it. Maybe somewhere you can test the spas before you buy...they'd have my business, that's for sure.

sleep? why would I sleep at 12:30?

I've discovered that it is not a wise idea for me to do any type of serious thinking past...I don't know...11:00 at night - for the simple reason that it is now 12:30 and I am wide awake. It's as if the thought of sleep had never entered my mind earlier this evening. (When actually I was quite ready to go to bed at 8:00 but decided it would be much too early, knowing that I would wake up about this time and feel as if I had just taken a nap. So whether I went to bed at 8:00 or not, I'd still be wide awake now. Hmm, maybe I should have gone to bed at 8:00. At least then I would have gotten a little sleep.)

I think I'm awake now because tonight...just 10 days before I leave for Italy, I have finally realized that in 10 days, I'm actually leaving for Italy. I'm excited and nervous at the same time, which is a weird feeling to have. Am I more excited or more nervous? I don't know. Surely one feeling is stronger than the other. Maybe right now I'm more nervous - but even if I were excited, I would still be up thinking about it. Ahh, this is getting me no where at all.

Tomorrow we are having a going away party. I think I'm not ready for that - saying goodbye to my family for three and a half months. It would be one thing if I did that when I left for college when I was a freshman, but I didn't. I see them all the time. I am used to seeing them all the time. Sunday dinner with my grandparents every week - you get kind of used to that. Driving home in the middle of the week to stay the night with my parents - no big deal. But now, an ocean in between us - how will I ever deal with that?

dipping in class?

So I'm not quite sure, but it's probably not a good idea to dip in class. Besides the fact that a big wad of tobacco in your mouth is gross (and rots your teeth) the dip cup sitting on the desk is not the most lovely site in the world. Glancing down the row of computers and seeing a water bottle with not water in it but a brown substance isn't how I want to start my day. Is it even legal?

i think you need to step away

That's exactly what my professor told me this morning before I left class. I had spent about two hours trying to figure out one little thing on the computer, asked him multiple questions, then started tearing up. He sat down next to me and patiently explained - again - what was going on. Then he said to me, "I think the problem here is you are way too stressed. You need to remove yourself for a little while. Before you do the other section, I think you need to step away." So I said ok, saved my work, and shut down my computer. And that was it for class for the day...sometimes the best thing to do is just step away.

all this and it's only 8:03 in the morning

I have been awake for 40 minutes and already have a bloody toe and have been scared completely awake. Where is usually takes an hour for me to wake up, this morning is just half a second as I watched a giant cockroach scuttle by right next to my foot.

I was on the phone this morning with Matthew as I was walking into Langford, and poor guy, he got a loud scream right in his ear as I threw open the door. Somehow my toe got in the path of the door and I thought I stubbed it. But no, I looked down to examine my "stubbed" toe and see that it's actually sliced, not stubbed, and blood is beginning to come from it. So I scoot into the bathroom to clean it up and as I bend down to get some toilet paper, a huge cockroach makes its way past my foot. Again, another loud scream and a jump back, heart racing at this point.

I clean my foot with the "antibacterial hand soap" in the sink and make my way to class a little flustered and in pain. And it's only 8:03 in the morning. I probably should have known something would happen to me while I was on the phone this morning. Everytime I see people on the phone walking to class before 8:00 I have to think to myself, "Seriously, what could they possibly have to talk about at 8:00 in the morning, and who, besides the people walking to class are actually up this early?" I always chuckle to myself, but this morning, I was one of "those" people. 8:00 in the morning = not wide awake. Not wide awake + a cell phone = bad things. Bad things = sliced toe.

2 Weeks

Well the first summer session came and went with very long days but it made the weeks go by quickly. Now I only have two weeks left of the second summer session and thank goodness. I am so tired of school and sitting in class, especially a four hour computer class. 8-12 in the morning are not the best hours in the world for me.

Summer

One week down of summer school. It's going to be a long summer with many hours spent in the studio. I must be insane to take a design studio in the summer. But I guess if I can't see Matthew at all, I might as well be spending time in the studio. He left this morning for North Carolina this morning for two months. I'm excited for him. I know God is going to use him in some pretty awesome ways this summer with the youth he will be working with.

I'm already stressed from studio work. Studios are fun but stress me out so much. I let out a good cry today, partly from stress and partly from the saddness of realizing that at that moment, Matthew was driving in the opposite direction of me. Oh two months, please pass by quickly.

Lonesome Dove

Anyone remember Lonesome Dove from years ago? A TV miniseries - a western - with Robert Duvall, Diane Lane, et al. I barely remember the show, but I do remember watching it with my dad. It was his favorite show and I enjoyed watching it with him. I found it the other day on DVD so of course I bought it for him. His birthday was the 7th but he was in Africa. He gets home tomorrow around 10:30 in the morning. Well, that's when his flight gets into Houston. I can't wait to give it to him and see his reaction. I know what he's doing tomorrow night...watching some Lonesome Dove.

I love my parents. They are so great and I am truly blessed.

Ice Cream Hangover

Last Matthew and I celebrated the end of the semester with ice cream...shakes, really. This morning I had a head ache. Is it possible to have and ice cream hangover?? If so, I have one.

Hallelujahs - Chris Rice

A purple sky to close the day
I wade the surf where dolphins play
The taste of salt, the dance of waves
And my sould wells up with hallelujahs

A lightning flash, my pounding heart
A breaching whale, a shooting star
Give testimony that You are
And my soul wells up with hallelujahs

Oh praise Him all His mighty works
There is no language where you can't be heard
Your song goes out to all the Earth
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!

O cratered moon and sparrow's wings
O thunder's boom and Saturn's rings
Unveil our Father as you sing
And my soul wells up with hallelujahs

Oh praise Him all His mighty works
There is no language where you can't be heard
Your song goes out to all the Earth
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!

The pulse of life within my wrist
A fallen snow, a rising mist
There is no higher praise than this
And my soul wells up
O my soul wells up
Yes my soul wells up with hallelujahs

The Bluebell poster child, Ben in a phone booth, and Grant eating. Aren't they cute??

annoying people

Today I was finishing my paper and printing it at the SCC. Like the last time, I glanced over to see what the person next to me was doing. He wasn't writing a paper about the white-tailed deer like the other guy, but was playing duck hunt! Now seriously, does he just have nothing to do? Because I would gladly give him some of my work if he needed something to do.

At the library today, a couple sat down right in my line of vision and started making out. Come on now! You are supposed to do that in the stacks. Haven't you seen the many television shows and movies that teach you this?? It was distracting.

I really don't have anything else to say other than I am tired and so ready for the semester to be finished.

paper

As I was beginning to write my paper on the meaning of architecture today at the SCC, I glanced over and saw a guy working on a paper as well. Because I'm nosey, I read the title of it - Management of White-Tailed Deer...are you kidding me? I'm sitting here pondering the meaning of architecture and he's writing about white-tailed deer. I don't know where to begin and he's on his second page, just typing away at this thing. Want to trade papers?

"Before I built a wall, I'd ask to know what I was walling in or out." - Robert Frost

You Have Stirred My Soul

You have stirred my soul
I am overwhelemed
At how this came to be
That I would know such love.

You have stirred my soul
Not by my own deed
But your sacrifice.
It has made me whole.

And love more beautiful today
With offerings of grace
You're calling me away.
And love more beautiful today
I am not the same
You're calling me away...to you.

You have stirred my soul
And I am overwhelmed
At how this came to be
That I would know such love.

And love more beautiful today
With offerings of grace
You're calling me away.
Oh love, more beautiful today
And I am not the same
You're calling me away...to you.

To you our voices rise
To you our spirits cry
To you this love be given back
To you our voices rise
To you our spirits cry
To you this love be given back to you.

And love more beautiful today
With offerings of grace
You're calling me away.
And love, more beautiful today
And I am not the same
You're calling me away...to you.

Robbie Seay

bullet holes or dalmation spots?

I was behind a 4-runner on the way home from Starbucks tonight. I noticed this car had those little bullet hole things all over the car. What are those anyways? Stick ons? Now I'm sure the person who owns the car thought they were pretty cool to have all these little bullet hole things all over their car...maybe they thought it elevated their status of "coolness" in the circle they run around with. I personally don't see the point in them. They just make you look like you've been somewhere you probably shouldn't have been in the first place. But each to his own, I guess. And you know, maybe this person could have pulled off the cool bullet hole in the car thing had there only been a few of them. But there were many of these things stuck all over the car. In fact, before I was up close behind the car, I thought it was a dalmation.

What's that? A new post??

No, surely not! It can't possibly be...a new post! Not that I have time to write one, but procrastination has set it...no, I take that back...boredom from reading anthropology has set in and my eyes and head hurt. I've really got nothing to say right now...oh wait, yes I do.

It seems that if you are a guy and you want to get married, you should date me...no, I take that back. You should have dated me before I was completely taken by Matthew last summer. But seriously...I found out today an ex of mine (not that i have many, haha) is getting married...which is great for him but so weird. Mark that off as two ex boyfriends married off, haha. Kate today said, hmm, maybe I should date you!