I've discovered that it is not a wise idea for me to do any type of serious thinking past...I don't know...11:00 at night - for the simple reason that it is now 12:30 and I am wide awake. It's as if the thought of sleep had never entered my mind earlier this evening. (When actually I was quite ready to go to bed at 8:00 but decided it would be much too early, knowing that I would wake up about this time and feel as if I had just taken a nap. So whether I went to bed at 8:00 or not, I'd still be wide awake now. Hmm, maybe I should have gone to bed at 8:00. At least then I would have gotten a little sleep.)
I think I'm awake now because tonight...just 10 days before I leave for Italy, I have finally realized that in 10 days, I'm actually leaving for Italy. I'm excited and nervous at the same time, which is a weird feeling to have. Am I more excited or more nervous? I don't know. Surely one feeling is stronger than the other. Maybe right now I'm more nervous - but even if I were excited, I would still be up thinking about it. Ahh, this is getting me no where at all.
Tomorrow we are having a going away party. I think I'm not ready for that - saying goodbye to my family for three and a half months. It would be one thing if I did that when I left for college when I was a freshman, but I didn't. I see them all the time. I am used to seeing them all the time. Sunday dinner with my grandparents every week - you get kind of used to that. Driving home in the middle of the week to stay the night with my parents - no big deal. But now, an ocean in between us - how will I ever deal with that?
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